Comments on: How To Be A Good Friend To New Parents

By: siobhan

siobhan — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 07:07:58 +0000

is that justin in the bottom right of that photo?

By: Chase

Chase — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 19:36:13 +0000

@jason: you bring up some good points. I hope you come to know some friends that you “don’t lose to their kids.”

@anna: Thanks so much for the kind words!!

@everyone: I CAN”T BELIEVE I FORGOT THE VERY RULE THAT MADE ME THINK OF THIS POST IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Here it is:

#6 Expect That The Friggen Baby Is Sleeping When You Come Over!!!

Expect more on this one in an updated version of this post… Thanks to so many of your awesome comments I’ve got some more Ideas!

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 03:50:00 +0000

Hey.. I’m new to your blog, but wanted to share that I love your advice, and am also encouraged that you encourage your childless friends to still be an active part of your new life as parents. As a single, childless person, I have often found it difficult to develop or maintain friendships with those my age that are married with children. Makes me sad, because I would gladly love to be of help.. and experience with them a little bit of the tremendous blessing children are in a parents life. It does take a village.. and us childless folk can receive as much as we can offer. I am also an aunt three times over, (with a nephew also named Aiden , and have learned a bunch of a what a little one brings to a family. Though I know it’s a lot different than actually being a parent, what I have learned has shown me just how much new parents could use a helping hand every now and then.

Bless you guys, and your new family.

By: jason

jason — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 01:31:47 +0000

My wife and I have been married for over 15 years and are childless by choice. Over the past several years we have lost most of our friends to their children. Our best friends managed to hang on for almost eight years until their son became part of our time together. I wanted adult conversation. We didn’t change; they did. The problem is parents let kids take over their lives. I have no problem with that and believe they should make their children a top priority. However, don’t complain about it. Don’t expect everyone else to play along. If I decide to become a Hare Krishna, it would be ridiculous for me to expect my Christian friends to change their faith as well. We all make choices and should accept the consequences; good and bad.
Just to clarify; I like kids and love spending time with them at kid appropriate activities. My wife and I have been known to take couples’ children and spend hours with them at circuses, parks and Chuck-E-Cheese. Why does all the effort of mainatining the friendship fall on the shoulders of the child-free?

By: Celeste

Celeste — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 21:01:27 +0000

As the last of 5 kids to get married and have kids, I recall something my then young niece said upon going back home.
“Mom, auntie has no toys or peanut butter in her house”
From the moment on, I had peanut butter and I cleared out one of my dresser drawers and filled it with dress-up clothing.
Amazing.
And I offer to change diapers. Works like a charm.

By: Chase

Chase — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 20:30:24 +0000

@annie: Wow… thanks… You hit it on the head better than i could.

@amanda: You’re welcome!! Thanks for commenting, and good luck with the new-parent-friend-things!

By: Amanda

Amanda — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 20:22:33 +0000

Thank you for these tips-they are appreciated. I am in my early-ish 20s and it seems that over the past year almost all of my friends have gotten married. That is fine and dandy, but a good majority of them have chosen to forego the whole “married without children” stage and just jump right into the “harried parent” stage. I have been in a serious relationship for a while, but I am not married, so it can be hard to relate to that, but it is not unfathomable. However, when they go from being engaged to having kids in just over a year, it can be very difficult to understand or appreciate all the changes that are happening. I love my friends and wish to remain friends with them, but in order to do so, I’m having to learn to understand what they are dealing with. So again, thanks for the tips, I will use them.

By: Annie

Annie — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:56:37 +0000

The thing that worked for me as the friend (since I cannot give you advice about feeding or sleeping, and will only voluntarily tend the diaper every once in a while), especially when eating out or at someone else’s house or any place there is not a high-chair, is this line, “Can I hold the baby so you can eat dinner?” I can’t imagine trying to sit and laugh with my friends while guarding my knife and fork, protecting my plate, making sure no one in my chair is crying, trying to control two other small hands, and eat my food before it gets cold. Or, what I see more often, simply not eating until everyone else is done and then choking down cold food after I can pass off to the other parent. I don’t know what it’s like, but that would seem to discourage wanting to bother with the friendly gathering. Often, I really miss my friends, and if it’s a way to ensure that they will stay engaged in the relationships, it’s totally worth it to eat less that hot food once in a blue moon.

Call me crazy, but as a single/unmarried person I have come to the conclusion that, while I shouldn’t have to endure endless talk about excrement, in large part I should just suck it up. Loving someone’s kids is a form of loving them. So is listening to them talk about the major changes in their lives, even if it doesn’t totally apply to my life. The same was true when they got married. This is not totally selfless. A cocktail would be nice, but I am quite certain that there will come a time when there is something so huge and central to my life that it’s consuming for a time, and I’m really, really going to want someone who’s willing to listen. Guess what – if I have cleaned your child’s butt repeatedly, you’re on the shortlist.

By: Chase

Chase — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:43:44 +0000

@nelking: What’s great for our fictitious “Jason Glaspey” is that he’s already got the “thinks like a kid” thing down! Of course, more booze is involved for him than your typical 3-7 year old, but it’s just uncanny how in-sync he is with the simple ones. Which, of course, is why @Courtney and I are so excited for the day he has his own masterpiece to masterpiece all over!

By: Zach

Zach — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:38:15 +0000

@jasonglaspey

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA